ATTN Inventors: please remedy the following.

While I may raise teacups to the glory of life’s small pleasures,  I come across 2 things IRRATIONALLY frequently that need hot tea dumped on their faces.


iced coffee cup lids.

I’m enjoying all of the season’s frappuccino and frappe madness, but my overwhelming anxiety about punctured straws is only heightened by the poor design of iced coffee cup lids. Namely the thick clear plastic lids from Starbucks, DuDo, and McDonalds. By the time I have exerted energy into customizing my beverage, I really only want to indulge in my iced mocha latte. I have added sugar, specified the milk I’d like (skim or soy, in coffee I can’t REALLY taste a difference, and those who say that they can are kidding themselves), and now I really can’t wait to quench my thirst.

OH WAIT. I take a sip, and my straw has a major 2 inch slit in it because the pointy edge of the straw hole has VICIOUSLY STABBED MY STRAW!

my temporary remedy until adequate lids are designed

I personally solve this raging dilemma by bending the edges of the slits back, but I think that these lids should be better designed. I’d like to propose some form of spherical rounding of the wildly pointy slits of the straw holes, and would like this time-saving and straw-saving design to be implemented ASAP. END RANT PART 1.


public restroom toilet paper dispensers.

Again, the time wasted (in finally getting a reasonably humane amount of toilet paper) is outrageous. We are such an advanced society. I don’t understand why toilet paper dispensers haven’t evolved yet with a better design.

the. devil.

Why are these rolls so monstrous? They’re user-enemy, not user-friendly. They ruin a restroom experience every time, and when the strip of paper I have pulled is more than 3 inches long, my personal rejoice is depressingly extreme. I would like magical inventors at Kimberley Clark or Georgia Pacific to remedy this RIGHT QUICK. END RANT PART 2.

In conclusion, our society is advanced in many ways that make me happy (note: Twitter, FourSquare, BlackBerry, TiVo) we are atrociously behind in others (see above.)


2 responses to “ATTN Inventors: please remedy the following.

  1. I hate the georgia pacific toilet paper dispensers. the paper breaks off and when you reach up there a sharp rigid cutter cuts your hand.

  2. Please rant more. These are funny.

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